Feeling Human

I don’t feel human anymore

I don’t know what makes up humanity
But I know that
I have none
of it

It’s stopped hurting
when she doesn’t call back

I don’t want to talk to anyone
I don’t want to make any money
or achieve anything

I don’
want to get out of this
fucking bed
this fucking mattress is the only thing holding me down to this fucking world
I don’
want to fucking speak or
write this fucking language anymore
it doesn’t fucking mean fucking anything
fucking cunt shit crap

in peace tall that im reduced to
is hatred
thats the most human thing that
i think
happens to

the alcohol has gotten
to a point where
it doesnt overcome the pain
it simply adds to it
and i need it
to not feel worse

i hate waking up human
i hate falling asleep human
theres too much that makes up me
and too much of too many other people

I want to be dead
but I’m too afraid to die.

And so now I am whole.

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